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Does all this constant judging spoil our pleasure?

not judgingYesterday I had a brief telephone conversation with a young customer service person at my bank. Afterwards I had to rate the poor boy 1-5 on a number of criteria, his speed of response, his effectiveness with dealing with my query, his general helpfulness, his manner, and whether I would recommend him to my friends.

Returning to the edit of my latest wartime novel (yes, it is coming soon!), I reflected that nobody in 1943 was ever asked to rate anything, never asked to mark a customer service operative out of 5, (5 being delirious, 1 being disappointed) never asked to give a star rating, or to fill out a satisfaction form.

My research indicates that most of the petty frustrations of life in those days were either accepted with a kind of gritty resignation, or firmly laid at Adolf Hitler’s door. Nobody expected too much. Rationing and privations inevitably made perfection difficult to achieve. Queues and delays prevailed. But people were prepared, eager even, to try to enjoy what pleasures they could find. Shows were well attended despite ragged costumes and bomb-damaged sets. Restaurants served dull, utility meals, but it was still a treat go eat out. And holidays consisted of a week in a strict, under heated guest house, where you had to be out of the building between 10 and 5, whatever the weather. Nobody minded. Or if they did, they didn’t feel obliged to say.

It is so different for us. We all spend so much time assessing and critiquing, I sometimes think we have forgotten about enjoying.

We are so used to giving star ratings or marks for customer service, utilities, television programmes, hotel rooms, books, holidays, products and contestants on TV shows, that we are quick to notice when things fail to come up to our exacting standards.

Instead of relishing a meal out, we are wondering what Michel Roux might think of it. We have been programmed to expect so much that almost everything is a disappointment. There are a few ‘Fab-u-lous’es but they are few and far between, outweighed by the frequent longing to say ‘You’re fired’ to irritating waiters, salesmen, public servants or doctors.

But I am doubtful whether this critical thinking really helps to make anything better. It certainly doesn’t make us any happier. Especially when it transfers, as it inevitably does, to things that probably shouldn’t be judged, like friendships, colleagues, people in our community, our family.

The mantra of the war was that everyone pulled together. That may or may not be true, but what is certainly true is that people expected less. They hadn’t been influenced by endless soap operas to fight with their neighbours, nor to find fault with their friends and families. Perhaps as a result, communities were tighter, and friendlier. The war helped of course. They really were all in it together. But in a sense so are we. Maybe the time has come when we should try to expect a bit less and to enjoy a bit more!

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3 thoughts on “Does all this constant judging spoil our pleasure?

  1. Hi Helen, enjoyed reading this.

    Anybody on the end of a harsh appraisal or a one-star rating will feel hurt and ‘got at’ even if to some degree they deserve it.

    The consequences of living in a world where constant judging is not only encouraged but made easy is that little, random acts of snark can be thrown around without the originator bearing any responsibility. It’s a ‘fire and forget’ system where person A pushes the button and person B takes the hit. I wish a system could be introduced where anybody leaving a critical judgement has to agree that a complete stranger is allowed to instantly do the same to them, on a subject of the stranger’s choice. That could be the recipient’s competence at work, their parenting skills, personal hygiene or style, or the way they drove through town that morning. My point is, we all like to dish it out sometimes but can forget there’s a human on the end, until we ourselves become that human.

  2. Pingback: This is a great piece of writing – all in it together? | themarcistagenda

  3. As ever a really great post on your – ever excellent – blog….dare I say that this deserves a 5 star rating!!
    Thanks though, I think this is a very timely reminder.

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